Happy Birthday Jessica!!!!

Today Jessica turned 3. Last night when I asked how old she was going to be she kept trying to put up 3 fingers but couldn't get only 3 up - it was either 2 or 4. Finally, after she was supposed to be asleep, she came running into my room holding up 3 fingers and yelling "I did it, Momma!" So cute! Mike and I both had to work today so she went to Beth's who gave her a great playdoh set. Jess loves playdoh as does Jason so it will be getting a lot of use. I haven't been feeling great so I got out of work early and went to the doctor's. After that I got Jason, picked up Jess, stopped for my mom and we went to Bugaboo Creek which is one of Jess's favorite restaurants. Whenever we drive by, she wants to stop to see "The Moose". When we first got there, she wanted to be carried; it takes her a little bit to warm up to wherever she is. Pretty soon though she wanted to go see the talking animals. I'd signed her up for the birthday club so she got a free piece of cake and the waitstaff sang to her. I was amazed that she kissed the moosehead they brought over. It'd been hanging on a hook on the way to the bathroom so when we'd gone there earlier, I'd had her pet it hoping she'd be used to it by the time they brought it over. When we got home, she tried on Jason's Halloween mask. She's getting quite brave!

I cannot imagine our lives without Jessica. She has brought so much to our family. When I was rocking her last night, I thought about her birthmother. While I don't know for certain why she was unable to raise Jess, I do have my thoughts. I choose to believe that she made the decision she thought best for her baby and that she loved her very much. I found this poem on another blog that an adoptive mom wrote for her daughter's birthmother.

Beyond Your Tears

(written for Sophie Lu'sBirthmother in China)

I imagine you kissed

her sweet face so round

And gently placed her

where she would be found

I imagine your heartache

your pain and your tears

I wish I could show you

and soften your fears

I’d show you a girl

with hope in her eyes

A girl who loves stories

and sweet lullabies

A girl who laughs freely

and loves to play

A girl who sings sweetly

and dances all day

A girl with a future

So funny and smart

A girl who loves music

and reading and art

A girl who I hope

has your courage one day

I know it took courage

to love and walk away

Her beautiful smile

I wish you could see

She looks like you

and laughs like me

So, imagine her laughter

Imagine her touch

I wish I could show you

she’s loved so much

Remember her face

Remember that kiss

And when you cry,

remember this

Beyond your tears

Beyond your pain

Sometimes the sunshines

through the rain

And I know that she’ll ask me

about you one day

I’ll tell her you loved her

and wished she could stay

I’ll help her remember

and imagine you, too

when she starts to wonder

and dream about you

We’ll look at the moon

I’ll give her a kiss

and when she cries,

I’ll tell her this

Beyond your tears

Beyond your pain

Sometimes the sunshines

through the rain

by Shana Rae ,proud Mommy of Sophie Lu