Monday, November 02, 2009

All Sunbeams and Rainbows?

I was reading another adoptive mom's blog and she commented about how so many blogs portray everything happy, happy, happy. It is true that many of the ones I've read do deal with the happy stuff mostly. Do I think our journey has been all sunbeams and rainbows? No, real life never is but it has been pretty damn good for which I am forever thankful. On the plane over to China, I wondered if we knew what we were doing. Could I handle 2 kids? Could I handle a child with a heart condition? Of course, when I was pregnant I had the same thoughts - Could I handle a baby? What if he does have Trisomy 18 (Jason had a choroid plexus cyst on the ultrasound show up which can be a marker for Trisomy 18)? The things that have driven me the most crazy - Jess coslept when we came home in March until the following September. I would have been fine with her continuing to cosleep but Mike didn't like it. One of us would stay with her until she fell asleep. She'd cry and cry which ripped my heart out and Mike insisted she stay in her bed, not lie on the floor with me. There were nights where I was so tired from working and trying to keep up with everything that I couldn't take the crying and I'd beg her to go to sleep which aggravated Mike. That was probably the worst time for me. Now she sleeps in her own bed most of the time although she does come in with me some nights when Mike's working and that's fine. The thing that drives me the most crazy now is the sibling rivalry and I don't think that would be any different if I'd given birth to Jason's sibling rather than adopting her. They're both great on car rides when they're alone; put both of them in the car together and they're megabrats. My friend's daughter's occasionally watches Jess. People have asked why I don't leave Jess with Jason. I don't know that they'd both be alive when I got home if I did that. They're both great kids but they do have the ability to drive me out of my mind. I just threatened them both with going to bed immediately. I'm not feeling well and they've been together maybe 5 minutes and are going at it. This is why I focus on the happy times - I don't really want to dwell on the times that I'm pissed off; it just makes me feel bad.

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