What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From one of my favorite hymns -
Are we weak and heavy-laden;
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge-
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Two weeks ago, I went for a mammogram. I have white-coat syndrome in a bad way. Whenever I go to the doctor except for my asthma, my palms sweat, my heart races. I should have gone last March for a mammogram but I put it off and then kept forgetting to make the appointment. I'd think of it as I was driving or in the middle of the night, but did I ever write it on my ever-growing list of things to do? No. Anyway, I made the appointment 3 weeks ago expecting to get an appointment in 6 months like happened last time. Not anymore. I got an appointment in a week (actually could have had it sooner if Mike hadn't been working the other day they had available). I was so stressed in the waiting room that when I filled out the new patient paperwork (I went to another breast care center further away 2 years ago), I answered the questions they asked without really thinking about them. Later I realized that they may wonder why the number of pregnancies I've had and the number of children I have don't match up. What they should actually be asking rather than how many children you have is how many live births have you had because apparently there is a connection between how many live births you've had and breast cancer (I think there's a connection between everything and some type of cancer). The way it was written, a woman from my moms group would answer 2 pregnancies and 1 child which would lead people to think she'd lost a baby. Nope, she gave birth to healthy twins recently BUT she did so as a surrogate so they are not her children. Anyway, I went in and had the pictures done (there was an article in a local paper by a doctor from this center which I found offensive. He said that having a mammogram doesn't really hurt, that the women are just anxious. I'd like to have him get his dick squeezed flat between two plates and see whether its pain or just anxiety. If it had been a woman interviewed, I'd have just thought that she didn't find it as painful since I know some women have said they didn't find it that painful. A woman can have an opinion on whether mammograms are painful; a man cannot really have a valid opinion on that). Anyway, I was told I'd hear in a couple days if I needed to come back; otherwise, I'd get a letter in the mail saying "See you next year." A week goes by so I figure I'm clear. The next day I get a call that I need to go back in for another set of pictures and that I have to go to the hospital, not the satellite office because the radiologist wants to meet with me. The woman who called told me to call my insurance to see if they cover diagnostic appointments. I had a headache from that second on until after I got the second set of pictures. My head hurt so badly I was in bed by 7 or 8 at night because I just couldn't stand it. I started dropping things and mixing things up when I was talking because I was so stressed. I work with several women who've had breast cancer and I was scared. When I said I was nervous about being called back, one friend said that she was called back before. That was not very comforting because she is one of the women who'd had cancer. I prayed a lot. I listened to Gospel songs in the car and sang along with them - Amazing Grace, What a Friend We Have in Jesus, Are You Washed in the Blood of the Lamb, etc. I worried not only about my children but what would happen to my mom if something happened to me. If I wasn't here and Mike met someone else, would that woman want to help out his first wife's mother? Mike does a lot for my mom. He takes her to the doctor so that I don't have to miss work. He picks her up on special Sundays so she can come to church while I'm at the church getting ready for service (bringing kids to Sunday School, helping with Easter breakfast, pageant practice, etc). We take her out to eat. So I was freaking a bit about that as well. The day I went in for the second set of pics I worked half a day. I was looking at a report with a child's name on it but thinking of another child and couldn't figure out why the report wasn't saying what I thought it should. I finally realized that I had the wrong report up and was very glad that I was only working a half day and that it was time to leave. I went in and met the technician who was going to do the mammogram. She showed me what they'd found on the first set of pics and she said that it could be folded tissue (I saw on computer it said nodule?). I changed and had the pics taken (why is it that I always end up on my tiptoes when I'm having this done?). Then I went into the waiting room while the radiologist looked at the pictures. About fifteen minutes later, the tech came back in the room and said that it had been tissue that was folded over and that it wasn't showing up on the new pictures so I was clear and they'd see me next year. I went to the car and prayed before going to pick Jess up from school. It was amazing; as I prayed, I felt my headache dissipate.