The Worst Feeling So Far as a Parent

In my last post, I wrote about not knowing where Jason was one day at soccer.  I was so scared something happened to him.  While I know he is 15 and that the chances of something horrible happening are very slim, there's the knowledge that horrible things do happen and even at 15, he's still my little boy (okay, considering I hate to look up at him, maybe not so little but you know what I mean).

Last Saturday I went to a scrapbooking crop.  Jason was home with Jess.  I told Jess not to go outside without telling Jason.  About 11, I get a text from Jason asking where Jess is.  I call him and ask what does he mean, where is she?  He said when he came downstairs, the backdoor was wide open and she wasn't in the house.  He checked the cellar where her playroom is - not there, checked the backyard - not there, checked the house 3 houses away where her friends live - not there.  I was home in 5 minutes (crop was only about 2 miles away).  I called the neighbor behind me and no one answered.  I went to the house diagonal from me and they said Jess wasn't there.  I was hysterical at this time.  As I was cutting back across the back neighbor's yard, my neighbor came out and asked what was wrong.  I told her I couldn't find Jess as I was bawling.  Jess was in her basement playroom.  She hadn't answered the phone because they didn't hear it ring and it hadn't looked like they were home because one car was gone and the shades were all down.  Jess came upstairs and I was so mad.  I told her to go home.  She said she'd told woken Jason up and told him that she wanted to go out but that he fell back asleep and didn't remember (that's entirely possible).  Once I was calm, we talked about it and said next time leave a note as well as telling us where she's going.  I charged her cellphone (yes my 8 year old has a cellphone but it is a very basic phone - no internet). That night I found a note she wrote after she'd come home to me telling me how sorry she was she scared me and how God must be mad at her.  Ouch.  I reassured her God wasn't mad and neither was I, that I'd just been very scared when I couldn't find her (when the neighbor came out as I was cutting across her yard, I was on my way home to call the police).  Having no idea where your child is....definitely the worst feeling ever.