New Hampshire, June 2011

Jason had confirmation camp at Camp Calumet the last weekend in June. He would have been the only boy so the church asked if he wanted to bring a friend. Dawson joined him and they had a great time. Jason wanted us to drive them up so Mike, Jess and I camped at Calumet for the weekend.

The weather was very cloudy when we got there.

Jess still enjoyed running on the beach even though she couldn't play on it that first day.

We went to UberBlast which is an indoor play place on Saturday in North Conway. It was a lot smaller than we'd expected but Jess had fun.

Saturday afternoon and Sunday we went to Storyland (go in after 2 the first day and go another day free). Jess had a blast. Here she is with Heidi's grandfather. Later we watched a chipmunk jump up beside him and start eating out of his cup.

My baby girl in jail.

Antique German carousel horses. Instead of going up and down, they need to be rocked front and back.

I love the way they put the year on the different photo props.

Jess in Baby Bear's bed.

Jess loved hearing and retelling how she flipped out the first time she saw this spider (she'd been 2).

Jess milking the cow. When we came back on Sunday, it was pretty warm, hence the bathing suit.

Outside the Polar Coaster, there's a huge cylinder of ice.

Jess's favorite ride - the Polar Coaster!

Jess in the water area.

Jess making sure she's big enough for the Polar Coaster.

I told Jess I'd go on this with her if she promised not to spin too fast. She was very good and kept it slow for her old mom!

Jess loves her princesses.

Jess learning to ride her bike at camp.

We went out to eat Sunday night and on the way to the Pizza Barn, this deer jumped out of the woods in front of us.

Our last day, Monday, was hot so Jess finally got a chance to play in the water.

Canobie Lake Park

For my sister-in-law, Jen's, birthday we took her to Canobie Lake Park. What a great time we had! Jason was especially excited to have someone to go on the rides that Mike and I won't go on.

We got there as it opened so we could get

very minute out of it.

Jess with Abraham Lincoln

Jess getting ready for the swing ride. My mom once told me this was one of her favorite rides when she was younger.

Jen and Jason going over our heads on the roller coaster.

Jess is a danger behind the wheel!!!

Jen and Jason on Sk8ter.

My favorite ride - the Boston Tea Party!!! (which for some reason I kept calling the Mayflower).

The Turkish Twist - this used to be my my favorite ride but I can't handle it anymore :( This picture is of Jen. Jason's standing on the other side of her but it was really hard to get a pic with it going so fast.

Canobie's newest ride - Untamed. Jen swore she wasn't going to go on it but she couldn't deny her favorite nephew! They said it was a really smooth ride. Just looking at it makes me very nervous.

We hung out at the water area for a little bit. It was a warm day so it felt good to put my feet in the water. Jess doesn't like the buckets that dump water so she didn't venture too far in.

Catching Up
Our computer got a virus and all of my pictures were wiped from the harddrive by the Geek Squad when it was repaired. I was SO upset. So, I figured when I took these pictures I should upload them quickly so that if I lose them on my computer again, at least I know they're somewhere.

The school year is quickly coming to a close. Jason took his 7th grade finals last week. He was given two awards during the awards ceremony - one for reading 1000 pages each term and another for having exceptional insight. 7th grade was a tough year for him. He is finally being challenged academically and he's so used to just sailing by. These teachers made him really work hard which is what he needs.


Jess graduated from preschool. She loved preschool and is sad to see it end. She is excited about kindergarten though. She will be going to full day kindergarten next year. Our town is offering two classes for full day and there was a lottery. I'm so happy she got in. Given what our state requires be taught in kindergarten, I do not feel that all the requirements can be met at a developmentally appropriate rate in 2 1/2 hours. Jason went to private kindergarten because Plymouth didn't offer full day when he was 5.



Jess with Miss Donna, her preschool teacher.


The theme of their skit was going to the circus. Jess was a lion.


Nicky came home for a couple of days. Jess adores her uncle and was glued to his side. Patricia and her boyfriend, Joe, came down on Saturday and the 5 of us went to tea with my mom at our favorite tea room in town.

The Start of April Vacation April vacation officially started at 3:31 on Friday afternoon. Saturday Jess had dance class which takes up a good part of the day. Last night Jason and I watched The Box - that is one messed up movie! Jason asked if I would touch the box and I said no - how could I be responsible for taking someone's life (if that person were endangering my family that would be another story but just a random person - no). At the beginning of the movie, Jason said he'd do it; by the end of the movie, he had changed his mind. The movie was a lesson in nothing is ever as easy as it sounds. Today was Palm Sunday. I dropped the kids at Sunday School and went to get some Easter candy. Then the kids and I went to church. Since it was Palm Sunday, the entire congregation went in as a procession. After church, we went to see the Easter Bunny at the local shopping plaze. Jason was less than thrilled but he posed for the pic because the alternative was no X Box time. Afterward, I dropped Jason home and Jess and I spent the rest of the day having fun. First we ate at Blue Blinds Bakery. I love their food; I had a capresse sandwich that was awesome and ginger brew (too gingery for Jess's taste). Jess ate my tomatoes and some apple juice. The bakery is owned by the Twelve Tribes which appears to be some sort of cult. After we finished eating, we headed to Plimoth Plantation. The Plantation is ridiculously expensive but thankfully, since we're residents, our annual pass is only $35. We more than get our money's worth out of it each year. We walked through the Wampanoag homesite and talked to some of the staffers working there and then walked over to the English village. We wandered around the houses for a bit and Jess got to see the animals which is her favorite part. She also enjoyed watching the potter making a watering pot in the craft center. We spent some time in their kids area which has puzzles, 17th century games, and a small housekeeping area. Then it was off to the beach. Jess rolled her pants up and off came the shoes and socks. The joy on her face as she played in the incoming waves was wonderful to see. She had so much fun. She's in the backyard next door now playing with our neighbor's daughters. She should sleep soundly tonight! Jason and Jess with the Easter Bunny Jess watching the sheep at Plimoth Plantation. She baa'd at them and the one on the left turned around and baa'd back. It was hilarious. Jess loves writing her name in the sand. Running from the waves Totally carefree

Exactly how crunchy is instant oatmeal?

I belong to a moms' group and yesterday went to a baby shower which really pointed out to me how much less crunchy I am than some of the other moms. I think people should be able to do what works for them and while I enjoy hearing other people's thoughts and ideas, I did get offended when I was asked during a conversation whether I would have a VBAC were I to birth another child and I answered no, another mom said "OH! MY! GOD!"From the tone she used, you would have thought I said that I enjoy torturing small animals in my spare time. After she said OMG, she rolled her eyes and turned away from me. Fine, whatever (eye rolling is a huge pet peeve of mine). Another mom (who had both a c-section and a VBAC) said that what was most important was that the baby was healthy. The eye roller said "Maybe, but the memory of how you give birth stays with you so that's really important." Ummm....yes, the memory is important but not as important as the baby. I think that if your about-to-be-born baby is in crisis, you take that beautiful birth plan you slaved over for months and throw it in the trash if you need to. I'm not in favor of elective c-sections unless prior history has shown that there'd likely be another emergency section and I think, as long as its not dangerous to the baby, that women should be allowed to try a VBAC if they want. BUT the fact that I would not choose to labor for hours on end again knowing that there is a significant likelihood that I'd still end up with a section does not make me a horrible person. Of course, her eyes rolled again when I said I wasn't having any more children. Two is good for us.

So, after thinking about the shower and other topics of conversation that came up, I came across a quiz online which determines how crunchy you are. I scored as instant oatmeal by a point or two; I was very close to being jello. Not really a surprise. What saved me from being jello? The fact that I did cosleep with Jess and still do when Mike is at work and the fact that I rarely wear makeup. What kept me from being cruchier than grapenuts? Among other things were type of birth, nursing, and education. I don't understand homebirth and I cannot wrap my head around the idea of voluntarily having an unassisted homebirth. I wanted medication. When I was wheeled in for my emergency c-section, I was damn glad I'd had an epidural because if I hadn't already had a line in, they would have put me under general anesthesia which I didn't want. I think its great when a woman who wants an unmedicated birth is able to have one; I knew that was not the choice I wanted to make and was glad I made the one I did. I had no desire to breastfeed either of my children (and before anyone says I couldn't have nursed Jess, there are women who induce lactation to breastfeed children they adopt). The idea that breastfed children are smarter and healthier doesn't hold so far in my house - neither of my kids are sick often. Jason has always done well in school and Jess is excelling in preschool and has hit some end of kindergarten milestones. Are they geniuses? No, but I don't particularly want to be Doogie Howser's mom either (MA is not the state to live in if you do have an extraordinarily gifted child because the first thing to go here in school is gifted and talented classes). I think breastfeeding is great for those who want to do it but I disapprove of the pressure put on those of who don't. (And, I think this doll is ridiculous http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2011/03/23/2011-03-23_breast_milk_baby_doll_teaches_young_girls_how_to_breastfeed.html. Jess has seen my friend nurse and has pretended to nurse her dolls but she didn't need a special apron to put on with flowers where her nipples would be to show her where to have the doll latch on - can't anyone use imagination anymore?). The quiz also asked whether I ever breastfed someone else's child or let someone else nurse mine. Sorry but this has a serious ick factor for me. Education - I don't homeschool. Unless there is a serious reason to, I will never homeschool. It would require my quitting my job which would require us to move to an area we could get by on with one salary which is not something we'd do except as a last resort (the areas we could afford on just Mike's salary and still pay all of our bills are not places we want to raise our kids). I could homeschool quite well through elementary but would need to hire a tutor for math as soon as the kid hit middle school as Jason has an engineer's mind and I sure as heck do not. Letters and numbers SO do not belong together. He tried to explain Pi to me the other day and all I came away with was a very large headache. I can see pros to homeschooling but it's not for my family. Radical unschooling (and for those who don't know, that is one method of homeschooling; I am not referring to all homeschooling) is one philosophy which I strongly disagree with; it goes against my beliefs as a parent. I believe children do need structure and clear, consistent expectations; I do not believe that it is healthy for them to be in control of all aspects of their lives.

So, here I am ....instant oatmeal. I'm pretty happy with that. I have friends who are very crunchy and friends who are less crunchy than I am. Makes life interesting.

I'm having a horrible time with my computer shutting down on me but this video and the one below it are from Jess's performance on 3/27/11. Jess is in the youngest class and the first video is them dancing a Miao Tribe folk dance. The second video is the ending of the performance.

006

What a Friend We Have in Jesus
From one of my favorite hymns -

Are we weak and heavy-laden;
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge-
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Two weeks ago, I went for a mammogram. I have white-coat syndrome in a bad way. Whenever I go to the doctor except for my asthma, my palms sweat, my heart races. I should have gone last March for a mammogram but I put it off and then kept forgetting to make the appointment. I'd think of it as I was driving or in the middle of the night, but did I ever write it on my ever-growing list of things to do? No. Anyway, I made the appointment 3 weeks ago expecting to get an appointment in 6 months like happened last time. Not anymore. I got an appointment in a week (actually could have had it sooner if Mike hadn't been working the other day they had available). I was so stressed in the waiting room that when I filled out the new patient paperwork (I went to another breast care center further away 2 years ago), I answered the questions they asked without really thinking about them. Later I realized that they may wonder why the number of pregnancies I've had and the number of children I have don't match up. What they should actually be asking rather than how many children you have is how many live births have you had because apparently there is a connection between how many live births you've had and breast cancer (I think there's a connection between everything and some type of cancer). The way it was written, a woman from my moms group would answer 2 pregnancies and 1 child which would lead people to think she'd lost a baby. Nope, she gave birth to healthy twins recently BUT she did so as a surrogate so they are not her children. Anyway, I went in and had the pictures done (there was an article in a local paper by a doctor from this center which I found offensive. He said that having a mammogram doesn't really hurt, that the women are just anxious. I'd like to have him get his dick squeezed flat between two plates and see whether its pain or just anxiety. If it had been a woman interviewed, I'd have just thought that she didn't find it as painful since I know some women have said they didn't find it that painful. A woman can have an opinion on whether mammograms are painful; a man cannot really have a valid opinion on that). Anyway, I was told I'd hear in a couple days if I needed to come back; otherwise, I'd get a letter in the mail saying "See you next year." A week goes by so I figure I'm clear. The next day I get a call that I need to go back in for another set of pictures and that I have to go to the hospital, not the satellite office because the radiologist wants to meet with me. The woman who called told me to call my insurance to see if they cover diagnostic appointments. I had a headache from that second on until after I got the second set of pictures. My head hurt so badly I was in bed by 7 or 8 at night because I just couldn't stand it. I started dropping things and mixing things up when I was talking because I was so stressed. I work with several women who've had breast cancer and I was scared. When I said I was nervous about being called back, one friend said that she was called back before. That was not very comforting because she is one of the women who'd had cancer. I prayed a lot. I listened to Gospel songs in the car and sang along with them - Amazing Grace, What a Friend We Have in Jesus, Are You Washed in the Blood of the Lamb, etc. I worried not only about my children but what would happen to my mom if something happened to me. If I wasn't here and Mike met someone else, would that woman want to help out his first wife's mother? Mike does a lot for my mom. He takes her to the doctor so that I don't have to miss work. He picks her up on special Sundays so she can come to church while I'm at the church getting ready for service (bringing kids to Sunday School, helping with Easter breakfast, pageant practice, etc). We take her out to eat. So I was freaking a bit about that as well. The day I went in for the second set of pics I worked half a day. I was looking at a report with a child's name on it but thinking of another child and couldn't figure out why the report wasn't saying what I thought it should. I finally realized that I had the wrong report up and was very glad that I was only working a half day and that it was time to leave. I went in and met the technician who was going to do the mammogram. She showed me what they'd found on the first set of pics and she said that it could be folded tissue (I saw on computer it said nodule?). I changed and had the pics taken (why is it that I always end up on my tiptoes when I'm having this done?). Then I went into the waiting room while the radiologist looked at the pictures. About fifteen minutes later, the tech came back in the room and said that it had been tissue that was folded over and that it wasn't showing up on the new pictures so I was clear and they'd see me next year. I went to the car and prayed before going to pick Jess up from school. It was amazing; as I prayed, I felt my headache dissipate.

A digital ecard by Smilebox

Little girls and hairbows


Tonight I learned how to make hairbows. I've tried before but could never get them to look right. Tonight I decided to try again and keep trying until I got it. What made me take on this endeavor that never worked for me before? My cousin posted a link on her blog to another blog. The blog belonged to a woman who just lost her 4 month old daughter. I was in tears reading her entry. Anyway, in her blog, she said that her daughter loved big bows and would readers put bows on their daughters on Wednesday (the day of her daughter's funeral) in remembrance of her. So, while we were out today I looked for a big bow for Jess. The only ones that weren't meant for babies (on those little headbands that would never stay put on Jess even if they fit her) were out of my budget. I went home and looked online for a tutorial. I found one I hadn't seen before and it looked rather easy - no measuring, no fussiness - just kind of play with it until you like it and its all good. http://www.southernplate.com/2009/09/how-to-make-hair-bows-video-step-by-step.html. Jess and I went back to Michaels and bought ribbon (I can see a new obsession possible here - I had to make myself put several rolls back), plain barrettes, and fraycheck. When Jess went to bed tonight, I laid everything out in front of the computer and made my first bow while the video on the southernplate.com blog played. I hit pause a few times while I untangled my knots or tried different ribbon combinations but I think the final products look pretty good. The pink one was my first one. The two in the picture that are the same ribbon aren't supposed to look the same. I haven't tried making 2 that look the same yet so Jess will just wear these when she has one ponytail or braid in. I'm going to trim the tails some more tomorrow; I couldn't find my fabric scissors and my cutterbees were shredding the fabric. Tomorrow Jess will wear the biggest one, the pink one.

Busy Day
We drove into Chinatown as we do every Saturday so Jess could go to dance class. After class, we stopped in one of the stores and looked around for a while. I bought Jess a fan and a paper dragon. I realized I'd forgotten to try on her Chinese New Year outfit that I wanted her to wear to the celebration tomorrow but resisted buying a new one. I was tempted but I'm trying to squelch the impulse buying. On the way home, we stopped at Derby Street Shoppes and ate at B. Good. I had the best burger I have EVER had anywhere! Their fries were also very good but the burger was amazing. Hanna Andersson just moved into the shoppes so we walked over there. I'd heard a lot about this store and I wanted to check it out. As soon as we walked in, Jess wanted to know where the television was. Sorry Jess, it's not Gymboree, no tv. I have to admit, I like Gymboree's set up with the tv at the far end of the store away from the door. It lets me look around while still keeping an eye on Jess and she's entertained so she's not pulling at me asking to leave or asking for clothes that aren't on sale. Anyway, Hanna Andersson might be good quality and perhaps if I had 19 children like the Duggars and 10 or so girls to pass the clothes through, I might pay that much money for a cute pair of shorts or a playdress but since I don't and have no plans to have any more children, we didn't spend long in the store. Gymboree has good deals which is usually when I buy clothes there; perhaps HA does as well but not today. After our nonproductive retail excursion, we walked over to Pinkberry and got some frozen yogurt - yum!!! Jess wanted to go to Cold Stone but we can do that 5 minutes from home. Jess got coconut with strawberries and I got blood orange with shaved milk chocolate and a waffle cookie. There was nowhere to sit in the shop (only 3 tables) so we walked to the car and ate in there. We got some nasty looks from people when they realized we weren't moving from our parking space but it was too cold to eat outside so we sat in the car and ate our desserts. On the way home, we did stop at Gymboree so I could earn some Gymbucks. I had gotten a gift certificate when I went to the Teddy Bear Tea last weekend so I used that along with $25.31 of my own cash. When we finally got home, Jess wanted a bath and I wanted to organize her bookcase. We settled down at 8 to watch Best Memories of Disney on the Travel Channel. Jess is dying to go to WDW. She's been to HKDL (doesn't remember it since she was only 17 months old and a bit overwhelmed) and DL in Anaheim which she loved. I'm thinking Disney Cruise maybe next year.

When Jess was done with her bath, we tried on her Chinese outfits. She's going to wear the pink one tomorrow and the purple one on the 25th for her Gotcha Day anniversary dinner. I have to sew one of the frog closures on the purple one and I don't feel like sewing anything tonight so it made the choice easy. It's hard to believe that on the 25th, Jess will have been part of our family for 4 years. Time has flown! This will be the first time Mike's able to go out with us; the other 3 years he's been working. The first year, it was the kids, me and my mom. The second year just me and the kids because my mom was sick. Last year my mom was in the nursing home and unable to come with us but a good friend and her daughter came and we had a blast. Jess chose to go to New Tokyo and sit at the hibachi so we could watch the show. This year she asked to do the same. It'll be Mike, the kids, myself, my friend and both of her daughters. I'm so glad my friend is helping us celebrate this important day; Jess loves her and her daughters. I am a little sad though. I wish my mom could come but I can't take her out at night and I don't think she'd deal well with the noise of the show. A few years ago, she would have jumped at coming to celebrate with us. When she lived on the north shore, there were periods where she came down at least once a month and stayed at the local hotel (we have cats and they bothered her allergies) so she could spend time with the kids. I miss those times and I'm glad Jess has the memories of it, whether she actually remembers it or whether its just from looking at photos of her being with my mom. Jason got to spend a lot of time with my mom when he was younger going to NH, Sturbridge, and the Cape but Jess missed out on that. I wish I had taken advantage of more of those moments to build memories for the kids (and for myself). You always think that there'll be a tomorrow until one day there just isn't.

I was talking to a woman who was adopted domestically and she said she doesn't get the big deal about an adoption day/gotcha day/family day/whatever you choose to call it. Jessica's birthday, like that of most Chinese adoptees, is an estimate. There is no way of knowing the actual date she was born. Obviously, we do know the date she joined our family and I think it's important to celebrate that occasion. Some people go a little crazy and do presents and parties; I choose to keep it a little quieter than that. Just family and friends who love Jess spending time together for a meal. The term Gotcha Day is quite controversial on the Chinese adoption boards. Some people think it sounds like something you say when you're swatting a fly. To me, it brings back memories of my father. I used to wait at the top of the very steep hill I grew up on for him to walk from the bus (he worked in Boston and took public transportation rather than leaving my mom without a car all day) stop to the bottom of the hill. When I'd see him, I'd run down the hill and he'd catch me, swinging me up in his arms, saying "Gotcha!" If Jess should ever tell me she doesn't like the term, I won't use it. But at the moment, she likes it. Jess has lately been pretending she doesn't know what things mean and asking everyone questions like "What's a dog?" "What's a camera for?" "What's ice cream?" My friend told Jess she was coming with us for Gotcha Day dinner and Jess asked "What's Gotcha Day?" I turned it around and asked Jess what it was and she said "It was when the Nannies put me in your arms when you and Jason and Daddy came to China." Yep, she knows what it is.

Somewhat Monthly Catchup

January was a pretty quiet month. I had a cold that wouldn't give up so it seems like we didn't do a whole lot other than work and school.

We had a blizzard at the end of the month. Jess played for 3 hours with the kids next door in their yard. Jason and I shoveled for 2 hours to get the driveway, truck and front path done. The worst part was the end of the driveway where the plows shoved everything up.

Jess's dance class performed in Malden for an early Chinese New Year celebration. Here she is right before the performance with her friend.

Jason's on our town's wrestling team. He went 2 for 3 at this meet. It's rough for me to watch him wrestle since it looks so painful but he loves it.